Almost sounds like dear john. I have a boyfriend now. I really dont miss you. I still love you but not in the way that I did. I finally realized it was hurting me more holding onto you than it would be to just let go. Well I let go and I found a guy….who is…guess….joining the Marines. :p That must make me seem like a tag chaser. But since you did breakup with me because you couldnt handle the distance….I do believe that would be absurd for me to purposly try and get into another relationship with a future Marine. But this guy, is so excited to get letters from me when he goes away. He talks about a future already. Two weeks to fall in love with a total stranger. It took loosing you before i truly loved you. This guys name is Cole. I think you may have seen my new facebook profile picture. See how much happier I am?…You had a chance and you lost it. He and you are total opposites. But hes the guy ive been looking for. You on the other hand…your the best friend. I will always love you James. If you ever are in trouble or in need you can always come to me. I will be here for you. But I have a new love. I didnt second guess anything. I didnt hold back when he asked me to be his girlfriend. Im his first relationship in 4 years. He plans to stay with me for a very long time. So James I wish you well. I miss your friendship dreadfully. But maybe time will lead our paths together again. Maybe you’ll see my new man when your out their training. Maybe you two will become best buds. Who knows. I really hope you find a sweet girl. I wish i’d been good enough for ya for your sake. But for Cole im perfect and neither time, space nor distance will change that.
Loved you then, love you still, always have, always will,
Part of me will always be your beautiful angel <3
I know I haven’t written in a few days….all I can say is Im terrified your goin to bootcamp the same time as your buddy….which hes goin on Sunday. I can only hope and pray you aren’t….I want to at least say goodbye to you. But I dont know if I’ll get to now. Just remember me if you are going….dont forget me. Please dont. I would give you the world if you wanted me to….but you dont and you also dont want me. :( So i suppose everything is all for naught. I cant decide if I should wait the last few days 10 days…or text you and see how you are. I just….I want closure. I want to say goodbye. That’s all Ive really wanted. So if you think you could give me that….well it’d be great. So I can move on since im sure you’ve already moved on. I’ll miss you darling. But it’ll be best for both of us if we say goodbye and get closure. Just give me that before you leave. Since I cannot write you actual letters….I just dont think you’d like those.
I really need your love and your hugs and your kisses. Last night I went over to the house whitney house sits for…well whitney didn’t tell me her slutbag friend Kristen would be there. Kristen and whitney started talkin shit bout my friend Jacob, you know the one I always complain about….well I texted him told him…the dumbass texted the hoe and drama shit happened. Well we all ended up goin home….If you an I were still together I wouldve just been able to drive fifteen minutes and stay over at your house and be happily cuddled up next to you sleeping. =’( I hate my friends. I want new ones. And I want to have you back. Cause I would have at least been able to call you and you could’ve made me feel better. I keep having thoughts about suicide. I wont really do it. But I still have the thoughts…Im to that point where I want to just give up. Can you just come back?!?!?! PLEASE?! I almost texted you last night…but I didnt. I dont want to ruin the progress I’ve made on everything. Ive gone almost 16 days without talking to you. Two more weeks and ive reached my goal. I just want you to come back to me. I need you so badly. Im so used to fucking things up and making mistakes. Your the only good decision I’ve ever made. I need you love <3 Hun, I really cant keep this up much longer…I cant. I just want to be back in your arms. I wont let guys touch me now….and I dont know if I told you…but physical touch is my love language….without it im a mess….a total wreck….Please just give it a shot. We both are weak without each other….but I know if we try things and stay together through it all we will be unstoppable. We will be strong thanks to each other. I need you. James…Life sucks without you. Just try…At least tell me you miss me some….so I dont feel like you never gave a damn =’(
Loved you then love you still, always have always will,
Your Beautiful Angel
I cant do it without you. I need you back now…I need you please come back….please…..im begging you…..I cant do this….I really cant….Im in pieces and you dont care. I dont matter to you. Its just tearing me apart….
Your Beautiful Angel
Well, I dont know what it is but I feel as though Im forcing myself to slowly let go of you. I just dont think hanging on is good for me. Well I mean, I’ll hang on but I need to be prepared if you decide to be stubborn for eternity. Who knows maybe people have multiple soul mates, maybe I have a second one out there somewhere. But really I simply dont understand it all. Its day 14. A wednesday. Ive just about made it 2 weeks without talking to you. Did you know, yesterday, and today….I really didnt think about you a ton. I forced you out of my mind. Maybe I’ll be lucky..an i’ll just forget about you. I know your gonna forget about me. If you dont make contact within the next two weeks…well then I know you’ve probably forgotten about me. Who knows. Im at a loss for thoughts right now. I want to love you, but I dont want to get hurt. I would have put you first for forever. But maybe I just wasnt worth your time. Im sorry James…but its been two weeks and im slowly replacing you with best friends. I have alot if best friends. There all so sweet. Encouraging me to find happiness in myself. I have alot to be happy about. You though…Well for some reason I think I was alot of your happiness….I guess you found something, or someone to replace it. So maybe I just mean nothing…maybe I never meant anything but I just dont know if im willing to risk it all if you have no desire to be with me…I miss you…But…I dont think you miss me. Which kinda hurts. But im strong. Im a fighter. Ive been talking to this guy named Cole…he joining the Marines too. Hes older, he seems emotionally stronger…What do I do? What happens if he decides he really likes me? Do I turn him down and expect you to come back? Or do I wait for you? What should I do? If you never cared than I want you to look me in the eyes and say I never meant a thing to you and that you never loved me. But if I still mean something, look me in the eyes and tell me….tell me and I will stay. I will stay until the day I die. Just…give me some sort of sign. Or else my heart shall burst of sadness.
Trying to forget but its harder than you’d think,
Your beautiful Angel
James I will always be around to be your steady faithful anchor <3
Dear James…. Your beautiful Angel